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Submitted on
May 7, 2012
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It was a beautiful day in japamerica as you strolled gracefully down the street. Your flawlwess, beautiful, silky, flowing, radiant, magnificent locks glistened in the sun and your voluptious, fantastic, super  bodacious bod was making all the men within a 91928 mile radius fap themselves dry as every single woman on the planet hated you for being so perfect and smart and amazingly amazing.
Some player hatin' hoe tossed a bomb at you but you just whipped that shit away with your totally rockin' tits and it flew back incinerating her and a nearby building wich you walked away from in slow motion, too cool and baller to even bother looking back.
This only made Ludwig VanMeinKampf notice you and imediately fall in love.

"Ach du lieber!" He exclaimed, "I can't contain meinself!"

He ran to you also in slow motion as he ripped off his shirt exposing his perfectly rippling man muscles that were oiled up and shimmering sexily. You pretended not to be totally impressed by his fabulous super saiyan physique because that would make you look too desperate and it's not liek you were desperate at all because you're so hot that Jesus Christ had his second coming.
When he was close enough to you, he quickly regained his studly German seme composure and punched his penis repetedly so it wouldn't spring out of his pants. However, one look into your immaculate, sparkling, dazzling eyes snapped his unbreakable Gestapo control and he screamed "HOP ON MEIN SCHLONG!" as his mastadonic member tore through his lederhosen and punched Japan in the eye.

"DOSHITE!!?!" Japan shouts, cupping his now black eye. He then sees you standing there in your radiant glorious glory and totally forgets that he just got a face full of Germany's Bratwurst and dives into his Mitsubishi vehicle proceeding to drive as fast as he can towards you.
"NANI?? My smarr asian eyes make it so dificurt to see the road!"
Japan crashes into a crowd of streat performers but since he's Japanese, he karate jumped out of his vehicle before it exploded and did a cool martial artsy flip and landed next to you and Germany.
"NEIN!" shouts Germany as he steps between you and Japan who is already tearing of his kimono or whatever because he's soooo hot for you. "She is MEIN! We are in love!"
Japan wips out the katana he had shiethed up his rectum and points it at the  angry Doichlander.
"Me and (yourname)-san-chan-sama are destined for to being together! It was fortold in China's fortune cookie! DATTEBAYO!!!!" Just then China leaps into the scene armed with a deadly Hello Kitty embellished rifle. Japan and Germany gasp as China throws himself at your feet and begins stroking them affectionately.
"She have so small lotus feet! We must be wed!" Japan and Germany exchange angry but still very sexy and handsome expressions as they proceed to pull China away from you by his ponytail. You watch them wrestling in a big sweaty totally smexi man heap and yoink out your notebook writing down ideas for your next yaoi fanfiction. Just then, Russia comes charging down the street, pockets full of borscht!
"MY BEAUTIFUL YELDA!" he sings as he sweeps you into his big manly hunky Russian arms.
"SACREBLEU! Unhand my woman, you filthy salope!" France shrieks as he flings croisants, expertly striking Russia in his eyes and uses his baget to stab the offending man in the butthole.
As the other nations fight to the death for your love Italy who was spinning spaggetti noticed you and cryed tears of joy because his eyes had never beheld such a juicy ass. He jumped out of the 7th floor window of the building he was in and died. The friendly nation of Yakastonia witnessed this horrible tragedy and felt stricken with grief so he told himself a black joke to cheer up.
"I say, that's a mighty fine behind! Fancy a shag?" Brittain asked as he lept from the trolly he was riding.
"Piss off, you blooming barmpot!" yelled England from the top of Big Ben.
"Silence, you pillock!" Brittain cried as he exposed his hairy chest.
All of the very sexy men began shedding their clothing and struggling to make it to you to claim you as their one and only number one super special awesome chocolatey fudge coated ultra rare 1st edition LOVE!
AMERICAAAAA
"What the hell is that?" Said Germany between punches
AMERICAAAAAAAAAAA
"AIYAA!!" screamed China in fear
AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!
The epic music began to play as America flew through the sky naked with a jetpack spewing napalm from his dong. The other nations scrambled for cover but it was too late because AMERICA FUCK YEAH!
They all were caught in the firey deathsplosion.
America landed triumphently infront of you as hamburgers and fries began raining from the sky. He swung his huge massive gigantic American penis and cleared the street of the dead bodies of everyone else who was not American.

"I pledge alliegance TO DAT ASS!"
Tears welled up in your eyes as more romantic and beautiful words have never been spoken to you.
And in the end America wins because FREEDOM IS THE ONLY WAY, YEAH!
2013 update:
this mess has been up here for over a year and while everyone understood it was a parody and making fun of various fanfiction cliches, it is also meant to be satirical.
It was meant to call attention to the racist stereotypes casually featured in many fanfiction with non-American characters. I understand that Hetalia uses stereotypes for laughs but when people are writing serious stories and including those offensive stereotypes believing they are accurate portrayals of a culture it becomes problematic.
I think that message may have been lost with how absolutely ludicrous this story I wrote is.

Have fun with your fanfics but always strive to be original, do some research and spell check!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpurpleluverforever:
This is one of the most funny- no... amazing- no... Hilarious things I have ever read. I am going to make all my friends read this. Just because it is that hilarious and funny. I was laughing like a retard, out loud the whole time I was reading this, and my parents were looking at me as if I was a retard, But I was like "Who cares! This thing is flipping amazing!" And, like the stupid american I am. I pledge allegiance to Dat Ass. But I'm me... So, I pledge allegiance to every ass. Because according to my friends I have an Ass Fetish. So. Yeah. But I'm sure Reader-Tan was flipping effin sexy.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
55 out of 56 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconpyroscarlet:
omg liek

dis is the best story i read in my life

i love you for writing this

will you marry me?

we can both grind up against all of the dead countries with america like "aww yee buddy, this shits for real home dog. we up in dis shit like christmas"

and like america will be like "awww shit, shit just got real up in this shit home dog. hero!"

then we will sit on his penis and fly away.

like a fire truckin bawses.
yes.
the end.


this is the best critique ever, your argument is invalid.

lol sfsdf
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
41 out of 42 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconlinkfangirl123:
LinkFanGirl123 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
Holy shat..my mind is blown..the fahk..nevermind.
Reply
:iconmochiface:
MochiFace Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
I bookmarked this....and the bookmark said....

OH MY FUCKING GOD NO.

I like the story though, it's pretty damn funny. I am impressed at how much you caused me to laugh. It's probably cuz Ima racist motha-fucka. I ESPECIALLY LOVED THESE TWO PARTS:

1."DOSHITE!!?!" Japan shouts, cupping his now black eye. He then sees you standing there in your radiant glorious glory and totally forgets that he just got a face full of Germany's Bratwurst and dives into his Mitsubishi vehicle proceeding to drive as fast as he can towards you. 
"NANI?? My smarr asian eyes make it so dificurt to see the road!" 
Japan crashes into a crowd of streat performers but since he's Japanese, he karate jumped out of his vehicle before it exploded and did a cool martial artsy flip and landed next to you and Germany.

2.The epic music began to play as America flew through the sky naked with a jetpack spewing napalm from his dong. The other nations scrambled for cover but it was too late because AMERICA FUCK YEAH!
They all were caught in the firey deathsplosion.
America landed triumphently infront of you as hamburgers and fries began raining from the sky. He swung his huge massive gigantic American penis and cleared the street of the dead bodies of everyone else who was not American. 

"I pledge alliegance TO DAT ASS!" 
Tears welled up in your eyes as more romantic and beautiful words have never been spoken to you. 
And in the end America wins because FREEDOM IS THE ONLY WAY, YEAH!

Thank you for giving me a valid reason about why America always wins.

Because AMERICA FUCK YEAH!
Reply
:icon6feetunder-taker:
6FeetUnder-Taker Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2014  New member
Will you marry me please? 
Reply
:iconzheawesomeonejv1:
zheawesomeonejv1 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  New member Hobbyist General Artist
OHHHHHH MYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDanisnotonfire: FEELS 

I-I-I--FUCKING FUNNIEEEEEST THING EEEEEVERRRRRRRRR Cat fail jump Crazy Homer Face Kai : Hips PervyMoni 
Reply
:icontattoedmaiden:
TattoedMaiden Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  New member
This always makes me laugh! Good job.
Reply
:iconshuru10:
Shuru10 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Did you know that your fic has a dramatic reading of it on tumblr? Its absolutely hilarious!
Reply
:iconlucyallocca:
LucyAllocca Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Student Artist
That was the most fucking beautiful thing I ever read in my life 
Reply
:iconjoji1006:
Joji1006 Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
OMFG! This is beautiful! Hahaha! I think I died! XD
Reply
Hidden by Commenter
:iconhella-rad-smashie:
Hella-Rad-Smashie Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014  Student Digital Artist
12/10 best story ever!!!1!!11!
Reply
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